The Suede Sofa Blog

Hey friends—I just wanted to give a quick disclaimer. This is a long post, and it’s especially written for women over 50 who might be feeling the weight of midlife, menopause, and all that comes with it.

If that’s not you, chances are you’ll probably want to scroll on by.

But if it is… that’s exactly why I’m sharing this post—not because I have it all figured out, but because I hope it helps you feel seen and understood.

My journey isn’t anything special and I’m not the first to experience this—but I want you to know you’re not alone, and that there really is hope for where you are, too.

My prayer?

That you’ll walk away feeling a little less alone—and a little more hopeful.

So here’s what I’ve learned that might encourage you too…

T H E P O W E R O F H O P E

There’s a quote that says you can live:

40 days without food

4 days without water

4 minutes without air

…but only 4 seconds without hope.

And if you’re in that “four-second window” today—feeling worn down, wondering if this is just life now after 50, and maybe even feeling hopeless about ever feeling vibrant or alive again—this is for you.

Ten years ago this coming August, my friend Lara Shoup and I released our book Peace with Food. After a lifetime of struggle, we’d finally broken free from our unhealthy relationship with food and wanted to help others do the same. But six months later, menopause hit like a perfect storm—starting with stubborn weight gain and intensifying migraines, and from there, everything began to spiral.

Before menopause, I had plenty of energy, lived mostly anxiety-free, and had some margin to bounce back from slip-ups or less-than-perfect eating days…

But almost overnight, it felt like that margin disappeared.

It was like there was no room for error—at all.

Still, I stayed encouraged. I had a framework for peace and believed I could simply apply it again.

But what I didn’t realize was that there was a new level of skills I needed to learn and was actually stepping into a deeper journey—almost like God was inviting me to live out a “Part 2”—one that went beyond food and into spiritual, mental, and physical health in a whole new way and one that would stretch over the next 9½ years, navigating the craziness of midlife.

What followed was a long season of trial and error.

My experimenting led mostly to failed attempts. I was feverishly spinning my wheels with nothing to show for it, feeling exhausted and disheveled—like I had somehow lost myself along the way.

Health issues piled up. Crushing anxiety from two close calls left me, at times, terrified to drive and constantly stuck in worst-case-scenario thinking—something I had never struggled with before.

And then my mom passed away after battling liver disease, Alzheimer’s, and diabetes—and it dawned on me that the path I was on looked eerily similar to the one she had walked.

Maybe you’ve felt that too—watching the women who went before you, wondering if you’re just repeating their story.

While her homegoing brought comfort because of her deep love for Jesus, seeing how poor health eroded her quality of life was a sobering wake-up call: without real change, that could be my future too.

The final straw came in the spring & summer of 2024—a stubborn frozen shoulder, comprehensive lab and test reports that raised new physical concerns, a shaken faith spiritually, and, just to top it off, an unexpected 18-pound weight gain.

My body felt broken, and my faith felt unsteady. I found myself reevaluating long-held beliefs and feeling increasingly disillusioned with the faith I had followed for so many years.

Physically drained, emotionally overwhelmed, and spiritually confused, I hit a breaking point. My motivation was almost zilch, and I just felt—meh—like a shell of myself.

I wanted to care, but I just… couldn’t. Everything seemed so hard.

Once an extrovert, I found myself retreating into introversion, pulling back from people and the things I used to love. I didn’t recognize—or like—the person staring back at me in the mirror.

Have you ever had a moment like that? Standing in front of the mirror—or looking at your life—barely recognizing yourself, and wondering where the real “you” went.

It’s no secret, life is hard—not just because of physical symptoms and situations, but also because of the emotional weight we quietly carry. It creeps in slowly over the years… losses big and small, disappointments that linger, relationships that shift, dreams that fade.

Living in a broken world means grief touches every life—some more than others, but no one walks away unscathed. And because it’s so common, we often minimize it—telling ourselves to suck it up, power through, or just get over it and move on.

But unprocessed grief doesn’t disappear. It settles into our bones and burdens the soul, quietly eroding our health from the inside out.

I knew I couldn’t keep going like this. Something had to change—immediately

But this time, I had to do something different, and up to that point, uncharacteristic of me:

I HAD TO FOCUS

So, I narrowed my focus to one goal: Get my health back—spirit, mind, and body.

(Which, as someone who is a natural idea generator and is easily distracted, didn’t come naturally—there’s a reason my daughters call it my “ADHD menopause brain.” If you know, you know!)

I built a team of spiritual mentors, practitioners, specialists, personal trainers, and therapists—some in person, but many I followed online through their free content on social media and YouTube—especially seeking out experts in menopause, hormone health, and longevity to guide me through the complexities of this season.

That team also included my husband Scott, and our dog Buddy who joined me for daily walks in nature’s sanctuary—rain or shine, sleet or snow.

And just for the record… Dr. Mary Claire Haver has basically become a bestie. She just doesn’t know it yet!

(But for real, if you’re looking for a great menopause and hormone expert/mentor, check her out here The Pause Life by Dr. Mary Claire Haver )

I tapped into every resource I could find:

Wisdom

Coaching

Community

Medical care

I was on a mission to find answers—not just for me, but for others who might not have the time, energy, or finances to search for them.

And here’s the thing—it took my full attention.

I had to give myself permission to temporarily cut out anything that didn’t support this one goal—because I was at a critical crossroads and if I wanted to run the race God had assigned me and live a life worthy of the call, there was no other option.

It wasn’t forever, but for that season, it was the priority.

Maybe you need that same permission today too.

That midlife reset forced me to address physical hurdles, unhealthy mindsets, and even deeper character flaws—

…but it also stirred something deeper.

It pushed me to seek God in a way I never had before—to dig deep into His Word, listen for His voice, and learn how to test and discern what’s true. I had to lay aside confirmation bias, wrestle honestly with some of the dogmas I had accepted as part of my faith, and follow truth wherever it led—even when it challenged what was familiar or comfortable.

I came to understand that everything—every teaching, every tradition, every voice—had to be tested against the truth of God’s Word, no matter how well-meaning or widely accepted it seemed. Some teachings that I had accepted were biblically solid, others were just human opinion, and some—sadly—were flat-out false, or at the very least, taken out of context. A few were even popular in certain circles I had been a part of, which made them harder to question. But learning to recognize the difference took courage—and it’s been one of the most important lessons of my journey.

Throughout this reset my mantra was TRANSFORMATION.

(Thanks to my friend and former pastor, DJ Dangerfield, who first challenged me at the beginning of this reset with the principle of “Transformation vs. Transaction”—it’s become a guiding mindset for me ever since.)

And somewhere in that process a spiritual and personal revival occurred.

Today, a year or so later, I’m out of that pit where my “four seconds” of hope seemed to be running out. I’ve made some progress, found some answers, and gained some victories. But let’s be real—I’m still in the trenches, still learning and asking questions, and yes… still looking for answers.

Because menopause?

It’s nuanced, complex, and let’s be honest… downright perplexing at times, impacting each of us differently.

I definitely don’t have it all figured out. I’m still right here in the middle of it—navigating that crazy menopause exhaustion, overwhelm, and brain fog which seems to hit in waves.

You know the kind—where even the simplest things feel strangely hard…

Like following a basic recipe or instructions, completing simple tasks you’ve done mindlessly for decades, trying to find words that just won’t come out, or walking into a room (or clicking online) only to forget why you went there.

If you’re a woman in your 50s (or even younger) navigating peri/menopause, you know what I’m talking about and how real it is—because it pretty much touches every system in your body. (Which explains why there are too many to count symptoms.)

You might not feel it in every area, but chances are, you’ve felt it somewhere.

But there’s still HOPE.

While our mothers and grandmothers didn’t have many answers, science and medicine are starting to make strides forward in this area. It’s still a complex, ever-evolving conversation, but it’s not too late to start making changes—right where you are, even if you feel like you’ve missed your window.

The truth is, we’re all figuring this out together—testing, iterating, and learning as we go.

And it really saddens me to hear so many women say they feel like their best years are behind them.

But friend, they aren’t.

Because the truth is—even when we’re a hot mess in the messy middle (or beyond)—we can still anchor our HOPE in the unshakable promises of God’s Word:

That even in our older years, we can still thrive (Psalm 92:14)

And that by His overflowing grace, we can abound in every good work—regardless our age. (2 Corinthians 9:8, Joshua 14:10-11)

And here’s the good news—if you’re still here, He still has a Sacred Mission for you that is part of His master plan.

Your best life isn’t behind you. It’s in front of you. You’re still called, still needed, and still perfectly positioned to make a difference—right where you are.

And now more than ever—because you are called “for such a time as this”.

All He asks is that we surrender to His will and His ways, even when it doesn’t make sense.

Of course, God holds out the ULTIMATE HOPE for His children—eternity with Him. Philippians 3:20-21 tells us that one day, Jesus will transform our lowly, earthly bodies to be like His glorious body. Finally the perfect body we’ve longed for!

But until that time comes, we’ve still got work to do. So while we’re here, let’s swing for the fences and fulfill the purpose for which we were created—to bring Him glory (Isaiah 43:7) in the mission He has assigned us (Ephesians 2:10).

And here’s what that looks like in real life—not perfectly, not the 30-day miracle plan, but being faithful in the little things, racking up small wins over time.

Let’s be honest… we tend to expect a straight line from point A to B—in our growth and in pursuit of our goals (at least the vast majority of us do),

…but the reality? It’s always more like a zig-zag.

As prominent psychologist Karl Weick says, “Small wins do not combine in a neat, linear, serial form… more common is the circumstance where small wins are scattered.” (The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg)

Scattered wins.

Yeah—I know that firsthand.

I still eat too much sugar, processed foods, and drink too much Diet Coke—and I don’t always get enough veggies either.

But here’s where I’m growing and getting wins: I’ve let go of the perfectionistic expectation to fix it all at once.

Now I just keep reminding myself of what so many of my mentors often say: “Progress over perfection.” (Or as DJ puts it—learning to choose a Transformational mindset over a Transactional one.)

Thanks to this newly acquired Low‑Hanging Fruit Framework™—which focuses on small, simple, doable steps—I’ve finally broken free from the all-or-nothing mindset that plagued me for decades, keeping me stuck, and instead, I’m getting small wins, focusing on my most leveraged ONE THING that moves the needle the most.

And just to give you an idea of how that’s played out practically…

I’ve slowly worked my way up to lifting heavy (for me) three times a week and consistently hitting 120g of protein a day.

But let me be transparent—it didn’t happen overnight, or after the first week, or even in 21 days.

Nope.

Instead, I zig-zagged my way there.

It took me over seven months just to build the consistency with lifting…

…and the protein? Let’s just say I’ve been working on that one for years.

But I still count it as a huge win for this self-confessed carb lover—who used to barely eat any protein and didn’t even like or actually lift consistently.

Maybe you’ve felt the same—like it’s too late to start or too big to tackle.

I’m here to tell you, it’s not.

I’m definitely not a poster child for fitness or perfect progress—but I hope my less-than-impressive, failure-laced journey shows you that forward movement is still possible, even when you feel weak, stuck, or inadequate. That’s exactly how I felt. But by narrowing my focus to ONE THING and taking it one doable step at a time, I’ve started to build real momentum—and you can too.

And it all began with a single step:

Getting into community, starting by enlisting MENTORS.

Here’s what I’ve learned about being in a hopeless place—maybe you’ve learned it too: We can’t climb out alone.

Our tendency is to pull back and isolate—especially if we’ve ever felt misunderstood, dismissed, minimized, patronized, or gaslit—because it feels easier in the moment. But the truth is, that only takes us deeper into the pit.

Yes, run to God first—He is our SOURCE and is where true hope begins—but He never meant for it to stop there. He has A LOT of resources and that includes others.

And if we sit back, waiting for God to show up without letting people in, we might be waiting a very long time.

He designed us for community and often brings HOPE through the people He places in our lives—those who lend us their strength when ours is gone and let us borrow their belief while ours is in the process of being built.

And the redemptive part is that through it all, we can experience TRANSFORMATION, as we grow in compassion and learn to extend grace to others, recognizing that many carry unseen burdens—often far tougher than our own—and in turn offer them the gift of HOPE.

So if you’re hanging on by four seconds—don’t give up.

There’s HOPE. And there’s a POSSE ready to walk with you into freedom.

You don’t have to—and quite frankly, you can’t—do this alone.

Take the first courageous step—reach out to someone who can help you.

Your breakthrough could be one connection away.

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Remember this truth:

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. . . A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”

— Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NLT)