When Faith Wrestles

Over the past few years, I have wrestled honestly with God.

The questions had been building for much longer, but during what I now call my “perfect storm,” I could no longer keep neatly shelving them.

I wrestled with…

➡️ disappointment
➡️ theology
➡️ unanswered prayer
➡️ things I had believed and been taught that I could no longer reconcile
➡️ things I believed God had promised me decades ago—and was still waiting to see fulfilled
➡️ and some of what I had seen and experienced in the church, especially harmful, unhealthy, or deeply disappointing behavior from Christian leaders

At times, the wrestling was scary.

It felt like my foundation was crumbling.

Not my belief in God Himself—but some of the framework I had built around Him.

I found myself asking hard questions:

❓What had I actually been taught?
❓What had I assumed?
❓And what did Scripture actually say?

I was trying to find firmer ground beneath my faith.

And somewhere along the way, I began to realize something:

Wrestling is not foreign to Scripture.

The Bible is filled with people who wrestled.

Jacob.
David.
Jeremiah.
Job.
Elijah.

And a desperate father who prayed:

“I believe; help my unbelief.”

The Bible does not give us a picture of faith that never struggles.

It gives us people who keep turning toward God even when they are confused, disappointed, grieving, afraid, or waiting.

And God has met me there.

Not by answering every question exactly the way I wanted.

➡️ Exposing shaky foundations.
➡️ Correcting assumptions.
➡️ Deepening my trust.
➡️ Teaching me to distinguish between God Himself and everything people may have said about Him.

In the months ahead, I plan to begin sharing some of what I’ve learned.

Not because I have everything figured out.

Because I 💯 definitely do not. 

But I especially want to say something to the person who may be somewhere in the middle of it right now.

Maybe…

🌫️ God once felt incredibly close, and now He feels strangely quiet.

📖 Scripture used to come alive, and now you read the same pages and feel almost nothing.

🙏 You’ve prayed for clarity for months—or years—or decades—and the answers still haven’t come.

⏳ You’re still waiting on something you believed God had promised, and the waiting has stretched far longer than you ever imagined.

🧱 Things you once felt absolutely certain about are being dismantled, and you’re wondering what will be left when the dust settles.

🚶‍♀️ You are still showing up.

Still praying.
Still opening your Bible.
Still trying to follow Jesus.

And yet somewhere underneath all of that, you are quietly wondering:

Where are You, God?

You are not alone.

If so…

When you look at believers who have walked with God over a lifetime, you discover that seasons of wrestling, waiting, dryness, confusion, and deep refining are not unusual in a life of faith.

So please…

Don’t assume the silence means God has left you.

Don’t assume the questions mean your faith is failing.

And don’t assume that because the season has lasted far longer than you expected, nothing meaningful is happening in you.

Some of the deepest formation in a life of faith happens very slow.

Painfully slowwwwwwwww. 😩

In the meantime…

🙏 Keep turning toward Him.
💬 Keep being honest with Him.
📖 Keep opening His Word.
👥 Keep staying in fellowship with other believers.
🚶‍♀️ Keep walking.

You do not have to understand the season in order to remain faithful in it.

And you do not have to see the whole road ahead in order to keep trusting the One you are walking with.

The road may feel dark.

It may feel long.

But He is still God.

He is still faithful.

And this season is not wasted.